Love. It is infinite, boundless, and an essential part of our human experience. So why do we find it so hard to love ourselves? The funny thing about love is that we give it to others unconditionally, yet impose a whole list of conditions on ourselves.
We accept someone else’s flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections because we love them, but cannot forgive our own. We support our partners, children, family, and friends through bad times but beat ourselves up when we make a mistake or fail.
We can be the most caring, compassionate woman in the world but hate many aspects of ourselves. It’s a paradox that we seem to accept, without digging a bit deeper to see why we are such bad self-lovers.
I think, by now, you have realized that a lack of self-love is linked to several things such as low self-esteem, lack of self-worth, and negative patterns of behaviour that we have simply gotten used to. The truth is that it’s not easy for us to love ourselves because we don’t believe we deserve it.
You may even feel that the only way to experience self-love is when you are loved by someone else, and that’s a slippery slope because what happens when that person withdraws their love?
Relying on other people to regulate your emotional state is like walking on quicksand — you never know when you are going to sink. No doubt, if you have suffered from a romantic heartbreak or parental rejection, you will know what I am talking about. It hurts and makes you feel unloved and unlovable.
You can pour out as much love as you want to others, but when that glass is empty, how do you refill it?
The practice of self-love is the answer. When I say practice, I don’t only mean treating yourself to a spa day or buying a new pair of shoes (all great ways to give yourself a quick fix). It has to be more than that and begins from deep within yourself, at the core of who you are.
In this article, you will find some ideas on how to achieve that, as well as practical tips that will help you to form daily self-love habits.
How to Practice Self Love
Being good to yourself should be on your daily list of things to do. It’s not a luxury or a selfish act. It is an essential requirement if you want to lead a happy and fulfilling life.
Below you will find some tips that will make you feel better about who you are and help you to love yourself unconditionally:
1. Be someone who loves
Let yourself be open to loving others around you and loving doing specific things. Think about why you love being with certain people or why you love to walk in nature. Focus on what you appreciate about eating out, or going on vacation and let those positive emotions run through you. Feeling love is a truly empowering emotion.
2. Think about what it is to be loved
Bring to mind a close friend or relative who loves you. If they were asked why, what would they say? Maybe they would mention your great sense of humor or your ability to show compassion. Whatever it is, hold on to that and enjoy being loved for all the reasons you can think of.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others
Instead of magnifying your imperfections in comparison to someone else, accept that you are who you are and that’s good enough for you. You may want to be 1,75 meters tall but you are only 1,65 and always will be.
Comparing yourself to taller women is only going to make you feel miserable and I’m sure you don’t want to feel like that. Instead, spend your time and energy nourishing your own sense of pride and worth.
4. Reset your emotional navigator
The next time you feel bad about something, stop and ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way? What can I do to move forward?” Once you ask these questions, you may be surprised at the answers that come up.
Our emotions can quite often be triggered by seemingly trivial events and are merely the outer layer of something much deeper. When you ask questions, you set off a process of investigation and very often discover that it’s the underlying cause that you should be focusing on.
By resetting your emotional navigator to what is really bothering you, you can learn to address the issue directly, instead of letting reactive emotions run away with you.
5. Be with positive people
Spend time with those who you enjoy being with; those who make you feel good about yourself. Hang out with friends who are supportive and inspire you and if they don’t, there’s no need to devote all of your free time to them.
It’s better to surround yourself with positive acquaintances than friends who have nothing to offer you. Choose who you spend your free time with wisely and make sure it is because you want to be with them, and not just out of a sense of duty or obligation
6. Don’t kick yourself when you are down
You wouldn’t do it to someone else, so be kind to yourself when things aren’t going your way. This is the time to be more loving and forgiving with yourself than ever and if you are feeling hurt, rejected, disappointed, lift yourself up instead of saying, “I told you so.” Tend to your needs and be kind, just as you would with a stranger who needed your help.
7. Develop healthy habits
This is a biggie and I don’t need to explain to you the benefits of developing healthy habits for mind, body, and soul. Eat well, take daily exercise, and look after yourself. Although all three sound so easy to do, they are often the things that we neglect the most often.
Eating well is a no-brainer and your body will thank you for it. Daily exercise may not sound very enticing, but even a walk around the block is better than nothing. Looking after yourself includes everything from personal hygiene to a top-to-toe beauty treatment and everything in between.
8. Accept your imperfections
If you can love your imperfections, you are heading in the right direction. Dislike your lack of patience? Fair enough, but unless you can change that, it’s not going to go away anytime soon.
You may do well to remember that perfection lies in imperfection and that’s what makes each one of us unique. Self-love isn’t about having blind spots when it comes to your good and bad points. It’s about accepting them and still being able to say, “I’m amazing.”
9. Let go of the past
You can’t move on if you are dragging around a weight of emotional baggage from the past. As difficult as it may seem to let go, you must.
Sometimes, past traumas are so deeply embedded within us that they feel like a part of who we are. They are not. They are dead weight dragging you down so the sooner you decide to let go of them, the better.
You may need professional support or guidance to achieve this and it’s perfectly OK to seek that out. You aren’t a donkey and don’t need to burden yourself anymore with events that happened long ago. You can be free.
10. Be grateful every day
When you express gratitude for all of the good things in your life, you will feel happier. It’s a well-known fact that people who focus on all the good things they have are more likely to be positive and optimistic, and exhibit a high level of well-being and self-esteem.
Use gratitude as a daily tool if you are suffering from depression, a bad break-up, a career failure, or even in recovery from an illness or addiction and you will soon restore faith in yourself again.
Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs and things never go in a straight line. One day we may be up in the clouds and the next, down in the dumps. Life just happens, from being healthy to falling ill, being head over heels in love to being broken-hearted. It’s all part of the journey.
But whatever happens, self-love is vital because when your foundations are rock solid, life is much less of a struggle.
You can be happy with what you have and loved for who you are. It’s not something complicated but it does need practice. And, as you know, practice makes perfect. Spend more time on ‘you’, treat yourself to some tender love and care, and be compassionate when you fall short. Feel the love inside you and nurture it every day, letting it lead you to happiness and contentment.
Be the love of your life and live the life that you love. You have the power!
Self-Love Daily Habits
Emotional Self-Care
- Schedule some ‘me’ time into your daily routine
- Reward yourself when you complete small tasks
- Learn something new to upgrade your skills
- Develop a ritual of relaxation before you go to bed
- Allow yourself to express how you feel
- Use mindfulness exercises to bring you to the present moment
- Release stress or anxiety with jigsaws, crosswords, or adult coloring books
- Make a gratitude list of all the things you are thankful for
- Allow your feelings to be present without judging them
- Don’t listen to the harsh inner critic inside your head
- Allow yourself to make mistakes
Physical Self-Care
- Do some stretching exercises when you wake up in the morning
- Go for a daily walk
- Drink more water
- Give yourself a good physical workout
- Go for a massage
- Spend 10 minutes under the sun if you can every day
- Spend some time in nature by hiking, walking, or cycling
- Get at least 7 hours of sleep each night
- Eat nutritious food and cook more often if you have time
Social Self-Care
- Avoid toxic people. This is a high priority!
- Ask for help. It’s OK to admit that you aren’t superwoman
- Talk to a friend or family member who you can trust
- Spend your time with people who are enthusiastic and positive
- Reconnect with an old friend and arrange to meet up
- Join a support group for people with whom you may share the same problems
- Schedule a regular night out with friends
- Invite siblings or other family members for dinner
- Have some fun
Spiritual Self-Care
- Put meditation on your daily schedule, even if it is just for 10 minutes at a time
- Do a 10-minute body scan to check in with each part of your body
- Do something nice for someone in secret
- Donate to your favorite charity
- Help someone in any way that you can
- Find a niche for your strengths or skills that benefits others
Once you realize that you are important, you will be more likely to adopt habits and behaviors that nurture your well-being and this, in turn, deepens your level of self-love. Be patient with yourself and accept you failings without feeling that you are worthless. Instead, shower yourself
with understanding, compassion, and kindness, just as you would with anyone else you care about.
As a love quote says, “Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.”
Takeaway
Self-love is nurtured when you practice self-care, looking after yourself physically, emotionally, socially, and even spiritually. Going to the gym every day is admirable, but if you neglect the other aspects of yourself, you aren’t going to feel that all-embracing self-love. Giving in to your friends’ needs may make you popular, but that does nothing to raise your self-esteem.
A combination of all these elements is needed if you want to develop a deeper sense of self-love and below you will find some useful points concerning each aspect of your needs.
You can begin to apply the daily habits included in this article now. You may not be able to do all of them at once, but there are definitely quite a few that you can add to your daily routine relatively easily.
